New York, NY, February 1, 2014--Geeks with doctoral degrees in computer science and a love of literature have beem working around the clock in a secret high-tech lab inserting subliminal messages and trojan viruses into e-books to discourage pirates and "teach those who use their services a lesson," a major anti-priacy activist announced here today.
"While Forbes Magazine believes piracy is the 'saviour of the book industry,' my organization believes fighting back with new weapons will save the book industry," said Martin Gates Pierce, CEO and founder of Digital Feedback Unlimited (DFU).
In the new white paper, "Turning the Corner on Piracy," DFU spokesman claim that DRM "is only the tip of the iceberg" in publishers' response to piracy. The real weapons, according to DFU, are subliminal messages encoded in the texts of novels that hypnotically induce readers to feel "uncontrollable rage" aginst those who pirate books as well as codes that unleash viruses into the systems of end-users and pirates alike.
"Like the NSA spying methods, our code serves as a 'back door' into pirate computers that not only allows us to withdraw money and return it to the copyright owners of the pirated books, it corrupts the computers with so much malware they can no longer function."
Informed sources claim that the "uncontrollable rage" in readers was always harnessed toward nonviolent protests and positive activism, "it's possible that some readers might take the law into their own hands."
Major publishers, speaking through attorneys who would not divulge names, sources and methods, claim they are not cooperating with DFU voluntarily even though many of their books do, in fact, contain post-publication/post-sale messages and viruses.
"Books don't hurt people and neither do publishers," said executive editor Fried Rice (not his real name). "We not only don't have the computer knowledge to insert such messages, we don't have the knowledge to see if anyone else is inserting them either. DFU may be in bed with us even though we don't know it."
Pierce told reporters that it was in the interests of publishers to deny everything because that created the appearance of lax security to those planning to steal books.
"If they think we can't hurt them, we're better able to hurt them," Pierce said. When asked why, then, had DFU "spilled the beans" by releasing the white paper, he said that "one of our operatives went rogue on us and started selling pirated copies of the paper even though we infected his files with a 'digital veneral disease.'"
According to DFU security chief, Boris Smith, the former employee who stole the white paper did not have access to the encoding software.
"Even if he did," admitted Smith, "the only people getting hurt are those who deserve it."
Pierce laughed (off the record) and faded away into the woodwork like a Cheshire cat leaving its smile behind. Most of the reporters present at the time agreed that "the whole thing" might be a hoax.