Washington, D. C., February 6, 2013 - The millions of kids whom parents once criticized for sitting mindlessly in front of video games now have an opportunity to convert their button-pressing-without-remorse skills into high-paying jobs piloting drones for the Federal Government's Skynet Department.
A footnote in the recent Department of Justice drone memo stated that a score of one million kills or more in the online version of the Shooting Ducks in a Pond action video game will result in an offer of employment with Skynet. The base salary is $1 million per year with a commission on each confirmed kill. A double bonus is paid for kills with plausible deniability.
"Our new program taps a national resource that's been overlooked up to now except by parents, educators and psychologists wringing their hands with a woe-is-me attitude," said Deputy Skynet Tsar Bill Smith. "Without knowing it, most of these kids have been ruining their lives without realizing that they have, in fact, been grooming themselves for service with the U.S. Government."
While the ACLU and other groups admit that drones and video games are "disturbing," no group, PAC, or political party has been able to successfully focus public attention on the use of drones.
Sam Jones, a spy who came in from the cold several years ago to form Terminator Watch, said that "most Americans believe drones are a necessary evil and don't care if the government is committing murder in sovereign foreign countries without a declaration of war, warrants, transparency, or the inconveniences of Constitutional or international law compliance."
Smith has been making the rounds to chambers of commerce and state governments with the message that although most drones are employed by the Federal Government, "there's no reason the Skynet program can't be extended to state governments and private business."
Bart Martin, who heads the Texas Chapter of Terminator Watch said that when he was growing up, "no self-respecting" hunter every shot ducks in a pond.
Martin's hit song, "Mama Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Drone Pilots" has been a hit throughout the Southwest and is expected to be used as the inspiration for a new feature film with the working title of FOR GOD'S SAKE, THIS IS AMERICA.
Skynet officials, speaking without approval, told reporters that the full power of the governent has been, and will continue to be brought to bear against anyone who speaks out too loudly about the use of drones as an instrument of White House ego, foreign policy, and "joystick government."
"The drones do our talking for us," said Smith.
Story by Jock Stewart, Junction City Star-Gazer