Minister challenges 'Lust in All the Best Places'

by Jock Stewart, Special Investigative Reporter

Junction City, TX, September 28, 2011--Zeke Quick's tragic story about two star-crossed lovers who experienced passion on a hot tin roof only to end up end up with hot crossed buns, Lust in in All the Best Places, was ripped off the PS93 library shelf faster than a wet bodice on a steamy afternoon.

Arnold Pratt, the self-appointed pastor of the Church of Randon Saints, asked the school board to remove the novel from the library during Banned Books Week as a way of "spitting in the eyes of readers who have nothing better to do than read sordid books."

After a meeting at an undisclosed location late last night, the Junction City School Board voted 5-2 to remove Quick's book because it included a "highly explicit" list of the best places in Texas to experience lust without getting caught.

Principal John Phillips said that the Reverend Pratt cited as evidence a printout of questions his (Pratt's) son Billy posed on his (Billy's) Facebook profile.

"He wanted to know where his friends were doing it," Phillips said. "He was stealing his questions about farmer Jones' haystack, old lady Wilmont's basement, and a 'steamy swamp' on County Road 3724 right out of the novel."

Upon investigation, police said nobody was having sex in old lady Wilmont's basement except old Lady Wilmont.

"Bless her heart," said librarian Lucile Edmonds. "She used to date Zeke Quick when he was a student here many years ago. But he shouldn't have told, especially in my library where students in the Pulp Fiction class are crying for something practical to read."

Informed sources said that several members of the school board were observed cavorting in the aforementioned haystack after the meeting.

Glen Jones told reporters that he was cutting together an eye-popping video compiled from his security camera footage.

"All but one of the school board members look better with their clothes on," said Jones. "You can decide for yourself, though, when I upload my 'Haystack Hooters' video onto YouTube at high noon tomorrow unless the book is returned to the library."

An emergency session of the school board has been called for late this evening in "that little love shack in the Great Abysmal Swamp two miles past the covered bridge."

Quick, who was busy autographing another box of books for the library "just in case they were needed" said--off the record to avoid libel problems--"Pratt, Phillips and Edmonds are jealous that the fictional characters in the book are more normal than they are."

"Zeke always did think he knew everything," said Edmonds after slamming down a few shooters in the faculty lounge. "The reason I don't want that darned book in the library is because the publisher used a candid photo of me and coach what's his name on the cover."

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Comments

[Montucky.wordpress.com]

It seems that, aside from a few random churches and most all school boards, we could whip the overpopulation problem, eh?

[JockStewart]

One would think so, Montucky.

:-)